1) You could repeat the entire script of the movie, Milo and Otis ... in Dudley Moore's charming London accent. Bonus points if you have ever changed the language setting of Milo and Otis to Spanish, even though you are an English-speaker, to prevent a suicide attempt. ("... ¡Eso fue divertido!"/"¡Meelo! ¡Ven aquí!")
2) You can distinguish between 12 subtly different newborn baby cries, and know what each one means. Bonus points if you have ever heard someone else's newborn baby crying at the grocery store and looked down only to realize you were lactating in public.
2) You can distinguish between 12 subtly different newborn baby cries, and know what each one means. Bonus points if you have ever heard someone else's newborn baby crying at the grocery store and looked down only to realize you were lactating in public.
3) You get as excited about the words "childcare provided" as you used to get about the words "no cover charge". Bonus points if you think "no cover charge" means "free diapers".
4) When with other adults, instead of discreetly excusing yourself to go to the restroom, you loudly announce "I have to go potty!" and exit the room.
5) When watching Dora the Explorer reruns, you can distinguish between the voices of Kathleen Herles and Caitlin Sanchez, have nightmares about both, and secretly hope Sanchez loses her lawsuit against Nickelodeon. Incidentally, why is she always YELLING?!
6) Throughout the day, you find yourself singing the song "If Elmo Had Teeth" (which can be found at www.sesamestreet.org). Bonus points if you know the words to "Elmo Si Tenia Dientes" or Sesamstraat's "Had Elmo Een Gebit".
7) You forked out the cash to buy an iPhone specifically to keep your child entertained while in the shopping cart, in the checkout line, at the movies, in the car seat, at the doctor's office, at restaurants, in the high chair, and on the potty.
7) You forked out the cash to buy an iPhone specifically to keep your child entertained while in the shopping cart, in the checkout line, at the movies, in the car seat, at the doctor's office, at restaurants, in the high chair, and on the potty.
8) The only things that get you through most days are French fries and prayer.
9) You can't remember what you ate for supper, whether you ate lunch, whether you were awake to eat breakfast, where your child put their homework, where your child left their lunch money, where you stuffed that dirty diaper in your car two weeks ago, the last time you pumped, the last time you had a cigarette, the last time you went to the bathroom by yourself, the last time you had "alone time" with your significant other, how to count, how to spell, and where you put your keys (which were probably the only things raptured on May 21st).
11) You're so sleep deprived you can't properly count to 12.13) You wouldn't trade anything for your child(s).
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