Writers furthering Emily Post's mission to teach etiquette to generations of Americans often emphasize cultivating polite behaviors in children. When beginning this process with my 20-month-old daughter, Claire, I felt inadequate and hypocritical. Who was I to teach etiquette to anyone? I forget to send thank you cards within appropriate time frames, fail to place my napkin on my lap once seated, and only recently learned how to use a finger bowl. Claire, who can hear, but whose speech is still mostly unintelligible, has learned to sign "please" and "thank you". She routinely signs "please", as she has found she subsequently is rewarded, but regularly omits "thank you", believing this sign serves no useful purpose whatsoever.
My grandmother has been hospitalized in Birmingham since Thanksgiving. Since I am the only family member living in Birmingham, I have had a great deal of company during the past several weeks. My mother and her two sisters have taken turns staying with my family and me in my modest 1550-square-foot house, in order to care for my grandmother and make medical decisions. Together, we have shared Christmas, New Year's, a cramped living space and some particularly violent winter viruses. During this time, I have learned more about etiquette than I ever learned in Mrs. Post's masterpieces.
One night, my aunt had bronchitis, I had a stomach virus, Claire had the flu, my grandmother's kidneys were not functioning, the refrigerator was empty, and piles of dishes sat festering in the sink. My husband, peering out of bloodshot eyes and seeing us in various stages of illness and emotional collapse, said, "People need to know what happened here". From that moment, we called our house "The Fallout Shelter". I have found no book written on proper fallout shelter etiquette. Please allow me to put forth a few suggestions, many of which were demonstrated by my considerate family.
First, after getting sick in a bathroom, please ensure said bathroom is liberally sprayed with Lysol. Second, if your stay must exceed the recommended, sweet-smelling, three-day limit, please contribute financially to groceries, supplies, and utility costs. Third, if a guest of the fallout shelter appears to be temporarily losing his or her mind, it is the host's responsibility to either call in reinforcements, medevac the guest out, or both. Fourth, it is appreciated, yet not expected, for guests to provide supervision and entertainment for any resident toddlers, when convenient. Fifth, it would behoove any host to remember that frequent, home-cooked meals tend to improve fallout shelter morale, so keep a well-stocked kitchen.
I have learned that proper etiquette goes far beyond using one's dinner fork instead of one's dessert fork for the main course. Real etiquette communicates love, respect and patience toward others. Oftentimes, the people we meet are experiencing hardships we know nothing about. Too frequently, we behave rudely to strangers, who, unbeknownst to us, are emotionally vulnerable, in pain or grieving. Too often, we fail to be polite to those we love most. If we put others' needs before our own, we will naturally exhibit most of the habits Emily Post promoted. What better lesson to teach my daughter?
